=================|July 2, 2004|============================================= i had the weirdest dream i was doing my usual 5 laps around the house. i ran back in, grabbed my laptop, and ran to my neighbors house. when i got there, i saw... like an anime version of myself, but taller and with light brown hair. he said his name was bob or rob or something to that effect. there were two women standing next to him signing papers. so i went to find my friend to show him the updates on the work i was cg-ing for him. but i couldn't find him. the door was locked, so i ran around the house. i found a garden. the garden was never there in real life. so i took a look at the garden. the anime me came over and asked for a harpoon. i gave him one. where i got it i will never know. he used the harpoon to prune the plants in the garden. i thought, 'this guy is scaring me'. so i ran away to the next house over, home to another friend. once again, the door was locked so i ran around the house. i found my two friends there sitting in the shade drawing sonic characters. i asked them about the rob or bob person and two women. my neighbor had no clue about them. so i took him over back to his house; where in the driveway were the 3 people. he couldn't see them. it was strange. then < scene missing> and the tall anime me was chasing me. i was out of breath from lapping my house (and my friends houses too) so i took a few steps and i collapsed. i found myself in my friends house. one friend was playing final fantasy 10 and my other was staring at me. i was on the floor, with a tall me and a friend looking over me. and i woke up. =================|June 27, 2005|============================================ j2n4me: I shall explain the story of how screwed up a mind I have. shadowdraco: okay o.=.O j2n4me: Okay. So I'm in my house, and I get a call. It's from my friend from.. like.. first, second grade. j2n4me: He says he wants me to be on his TV show. j2n4me: WTF shadowdraco: o.=.O j2n4me: So I'm on it and I have to be painted blue. j2n4me: And then that ends shadowdraco: o.=.O j2n4me: and everyone I have ever knew for any period of time somehow appears in my house j2n4me: Since we're having construction, our kitchen is empty. So that somehow becomes a small amusement park j2n4me: which I avoid at all costs ** noodlekairi has joined j2n4me: and while sitting in my room, more people came in j2n4me: and I was on that show again. shadowdraco: XD j2n4me: Then I find my old textbook that I for some reason didn't hand in j2n4me: but there was something sewed onto it j2n4me: that I do not remember j2n4me: it was words j2n4me: So I, for *unknown reason* look in my closet j2n4me: and there's a weird homeless guy in there shadowdraco: :O j2n4me: I asked him who he was and why he's there j2n4me: He said he's Tab. shadowdraco: :| j2n4me: Now I'm sure this isn't true, because I've seen pictures of tab accidentally. j2n4me: And then I woke up. edit: Woke up to the sound of my dad asking if I want a hamburger or a hot dog, and wondering what the hell I just experienced. And by accidentally, I mean I downloaded that huge ZIP off his friend's webspace and viewed everything. Quoth the Tab, "lol tahts me" (artist's representation) =================|January or February 2007|================================= ** ~j2d2 (has never seen star wars, Deviously Deviant) has joined chat:caffeinelounge guys i just woke up and i had a strange dream so i was trying to sleep at like, four AM and um i don' tknow where they came from, but three people happened: kevin (not-internets-kevin), elec (though he wasn't really there - i do not remember seeing/talking to him but i know he was there), and some guy named adrian also then i tbecame 5 AM tbhen the adrian guy gets a call on his cell phone it was an r&b song singing about how his grades sucked and the phone had a terrible volume control it was playing at like, 70 db and I'm all wtfing at him to turn it off and he is 'no i can't i need to talk to my parents' and his cell phone was blue green and large and it looked like it was from the 80s then finally he hangs up so then I was about to wtf at everyone and I hear my dad go talking-being outside my door now, my light was on, and sometimes i fall asleep at omfgearly hours, like 7 am er, pm and the light therefore stays on all night so I figured 'hey i'm still asleep and then I remember spinning around, or at least like, being a camera-guy and panning around all three people and saying ABSOLUTE SILENCE and I don't remember what happened after that. but there was soemthing else and then I woke up. also my computer was on the table where my keyboards are and the keyboards weren't there and mysteriously the computer was running ubuntu ERROR-FREE and the adrian guy kept lolling at that same table so yeah guys =================|April 1, 2007|============================================ [07:56:10] j2 i just had [07:56:13] j2 the weirdest dream [07:56:22] j2 okay well [07:56:32] j2 it was like, the first day of school for next year [07:56:34] elec Weirder than USA in underdrawers? [07:56:40] j2 yes [07:57:07] j2 and i remember reading on some livejournal entry that i had to go to some weird thing in which they use movies or something to teach or something [07:57:21] j2 anyway, i got to school, and it looked wtfawesomer than normal [07:57:43] j2 and like, everyone i knew was locker-having near me, and they all almost simultaneously said 'HEY I HAVE A WEBSITE COME SEE IT' [07:57:53] j2 and I 'um, k! me too?' [07:58:03] j2 and then I went to my first class, whcih was the same as my now class [07:58:24] j2 but like,t en minutes into it, i got a call on my cell phone, which was the movie people saying 'hey go away' [07:58:35] j2 so i go'd away, and the teacher was for some reason totally cool with that [07:58:40] j2 then somehow i would up at home [07:58:49] j2 and i went to the same livejournal thing [07:58:51] j2 er [07:58:51] j2 no [07:58:54] j2 i was checking rss feeds [07:59:00] elec :-O [07:59:07] j2 and i remember neil cicierega updated [07:59:15] j2 and he was 'hey guys i made a parody of an rpg [07:59:30] j2 and it was like, a complete parody of pokemon in flash [07:59:34] j2 well [07:59:35] j2 not relaly [07:59:39] j2 it was [07:59:39] j2 uh [07:59:46] j2 i don't remmeber what the character was [07:59:57] j2 but as you walked around, it was like 'horse joined the party! rabbit joined the party!' [08:00:04] j2 and then there was little trees that had fruit [08:00:07] elec Lmao [08:00:12] j2 then my sister happened, and she was 'oh, pokemon!' [08:00:29] j2 and 'no, not really', said I, and i moved to the bottom of the screen [08:00:31] j2 and there was a cave [08:00:33] j2 and i entered [08:00:35] j2 and there was like [08:00:38] j2 a cutscene [08:00:42] j2 of this bright orange guy [08:00:50] j2 "I AM MURRAY, THE MIGHTY DEMONIC" [08:00:57] j2 and then wtf battle [08:00:58] j2 and it was like [08:01:06] j2 my character sprite standing right next to the orange guy [08:01:13] j2 and then 'oh! your magic mans can help!' [08:01:28] j2 and then all the horses and rabbits and things turned into sprites [08:01:34] j2 and i had to play with terrible grammer [08:01:49] j2 it was like "inquest to attack Murray w/ beattime? (lv 2)" > YES [08:01:56] j2 so [08:01:58] j2 i beat it [08:02:01] j2 i went out of the cave [08:02:12] j2 and went further down [08:02:17] j2 and there was some random encounter [08:02:22] j2 i remember nothing of this [08:02:23] j2 but [08:02:24] j2 at the end [08:02:30] j2 when I killed it [08:02:33] j2 there was like, this fairy thing [08:02:38] j2 whose head was a yellow square [08:02:45] j2 and it went insane [08:02:48] j2 "WE... KILLED IT" [08:02:54] j2 "yeah, we killed that murray guy too" [08:03:08] j2 "NO! DON'T YOU SEE? WE KILLED IT! YOU'RE MURDERERS, ALL OF YOU!" [08:03:21] j2 and then it goes insane and turns everyone into squares that are orange, yellow, and/or blue [08:03:24] j2 but with x's for eyes [08:03:38] j2 then, i got off the computer, which was for some reason on the opposite side of the house [08:03:53] j2 i went into the kitchen, where my mom was researching something on the computer [08:04:06] j2 she was trying to make like, powdered mountain dew mix or something [08:04:17] j2 and I "you will never guess what i just played"'d [08:04:35] j2 and she stfu'd, which was weird, and then continued talking about powdered mountain dew [08:04:50] j2 and I remember saying "what if you distill it and add sugar to the powder?" [08:04:53] j2 and then I woke up. =================|April 2, 2007|============================================ [11:04:48] j2 elec [11:04:54] j2 time for wtf dream part another one [11:05:06] j2 so [11:05:08] j2 i was in school [11:05:12] j2 but [11:05:16] j2 not my usual one [11:05:28] j2 i don't know what i finished, but i was going to history [11:06:06] j2 and it was weird, i had to go like, outside, and through this internet-shaped hallway [11:06:19] j2 and there was like, nobody in there, so i walk'd [11:06:30] j2 then someone called from like, ten feet away [11:06:39] j2 'hey did you drop a dime because there is a dime on the floor' [11:06:48] j2 'also there is a nickel here that i just licked you can have it' [11:06:55] j2 and then she threw the nickel at me and it hurt [11:08:02] j2 and i wtf'd and said something about how school would not end at a normal-type time today, and we 'oh that sucks, and i said 'oh actually i hae a class after school end NOWAIT I MEAN I HAVE TWO CLASSES AT THE SAME TIME' and we agreed that it sucked [11:08:31] j2 then we were going down an escalator and i don't remember what we said, but then the nickel like, jumped out at me and started trying to kill me or something [11:08:48] j2 and apparantly wtfperson was not watching but she saw as i spit the nickel out [11:08:56] j2 'oh what why did you try to eat the nickel' [11:09:03] j2 'IT IS TRYING TO KILL ME :'(' [11:09:06] j2 'that is just weird' [11:09:16] j2 and then i forgot my jacket somehow on the escalator, and i rnu'd to get it [11:09:39] j2 and then i caught up with wtfperson and said 'but why did you lick the nickel in the first place? [11:09:48] j2 and she did not answer until she was at the top of a second escalator [11:09:53] j2 "IT HELPS ME DRAW BETTER DEVIL ART" [11:09:56] j2 (wtf) [11:10:01] j2 and then i went to my next class [11:10:11] j2 in which i apparantly forgot about the two-things-at-the-same-time [11:10:30] j2 and went to a class in which i watched my friend and the cast of whose line rehearse for a play. [11:10:32] j2 THE END [11:10:58] elec Man, what did you drink to get these kind of dreams [11:11:04] j2 uh [11:11:14] j2 mouthwash and dr. pepper? [11:11:39] elec D: [11:15:15] j2 if anything, i shall continue washing my mouth and listening to entire fruvous concerts before sleeptiem [11:15:20] j2 JUST TO MAKE THESE NOT-STOP =================|June 25, 2007|============================================ [06:32:59] j2: elec [06:33:00] j2: dreamtiem [06:33:27] j2: so I guess it was like, three days ago [06:33:44] j2: and i had to go in to take a final that i missed previously due to [06:33:57] j2: and my friend who i hadn't seen in like, two years was there [06:34:32] j2: so after the test, which I don't remember, i was all thnking 'oh man i have to take math now because I missed that, too :(' [06:35:09] j2: and she and I were in the same math classes for like, four years, but not anymore, so she said 'wait, what, no. we already took it!' and I responded with 'oh yeah, it was in the music room' [06:35:22] j2: and then for some reason [06:35:25] j2: we started to RUN [06:35:41] j2: down the hallway through this impossibly-placed classroom set-up [06:35:56] j2: that was actually made of pieces of my school this time! [06:36:08] j2: so we were just going, like, from classroom to classroom [06:36:16] j2: and we were running. [06:36:26] j2: and there was a drum set in the middle of one [06:37:23] j2: and - you've seen that video 'Ameteur' on youtube where it's a guy in a suit trying to play the drums, and it's all strung together as if he actually is good at them? and then some weird guy tries to play the piano, but the editing makes him good at that? [06:37:35] j2: there was a guy stepping on the kick drum in the same way [06:37:36] j2: and [06:37:40] j2: I remember thinking "dumbshad" [06:37:48] j2: ANYWAY [06:38:15] j2: we were almost outside, and there was a group of the security/police officers that be's around our school talking [06:38:22] j2: and i don't remember what they were saying [06:38:28] j2: but they had these yellow shirts [06:38:30] j2: and that was weird. [06:38:40] j2: so we continued running [06:38:45] j2: and we had made it outside [06:38:52] j2: so we went past the fields that my school has [06:38:54] j2: and then it got weird [06:39:04] j2: we had to go under this low-type thing [06:39:40] j2: and then like, forty ten-year-olds in little league uniforms came rushing out the way we were going [06:39:53] j2: except there were like, eight times more than there should've been [06:40:01] j2: so we had to clear a path and go through it. :( [06:40:18] j2: anyway, we got up on the field [06:40:34] j2: and then went to the sidelines, where we found a bench - but it was tiny and no one could sit on it [06:40:47] j2: so we sat on the ground until my gym teachers came up? [06:40:52] j2: i know one was a gym teacher [06:40:55] j2: i think the other might've been. [06:40:59] j2: she didn't talk [06:41:01] j2: ANYWAY [06:41:05] j2: the one that I did recognize [06:41:22] j2: he was all 'oh hey baseball!' despite the fact that it was a soccer field [06:41:38] j2: but the teams were all 'oh hey they named us afte rprofessional teams so what?' [06:41:56] j2: uh [06:41:57] j2: so [06:42:07] j2: he talked to us about whether we liked baseball or not [06:42:36] j2: and my friend said 'yes', and I said something about my dad working for shea stadium in the early 80s [06:42:47] j2: and he said something [06:42:47] j2: uh [06:42:50] j2: i don't remember [06:43:06] j2: but it was weird, and we all just stfu'd - i think he asked what year he started? i don't know [06:43:07] j2: but [06:43:18] j2: the kids came on, and they started playing soccer and not baseball [06:43:43] j2: and we watched it [06:43:53] j2: and they got off the field, and I remembered thinking 'that [06:43:55] j2: 's it?" [06:44:10] j2: and then they got back on the field and played for another minute. [06:44:15] j2: like, exactly one minute [06:44:22] j2: i remember it being eleven minutes long [06:44:48] j2: then, everything went black, the gym teacher[s] dissapeared, and my friend and I somehow relocated to the other side of the.. land? [06:44:52] j2: and then the movie screen came down [06:45:09] j2: and the thing was it was this presentation of movie previews and music videos [06:45:25] j2: and one music video was for some radiohead cover band [06:45:32] j2: and the song was about emo childs [06:46:04] j2: i remember the singer said some sentence in which the words started with S, U, I, C, I, D, and E, and the letters came on screen [06:46:08] j2: and the rest of the video was like [06:46:10] j2: pictures of dragons. [06:46:15] j2: but [06:46:21] j2: four of them on the screen at once! [06:46:22] j2: uh [06:46:25] j2: then [06:46:31] j2: something broke [06:46:35] j2: and the movie stopped [06:46:41] j2: so the guy running it came up [06:46:45] j2: and closed it [06:46:49] j2: and it turned out to be powerpoint? [06:47:04] j2: anyway, there was some hard-to-read text that he had on the slide [06:47:14] j2: and it was apparently some trivia about each movie [06:47:29] j2: but since he had taken it off, everyone was able to see it clearly [06:47:36] j2: so he insisted on making a new presentation [06:47:45] j2: and I don't remember how far he got with that when the last trailer came on [06:47:58] j2: it was [06:47:59] j2: uh [06:48:04] j2: oh man, this is weird [06:48:04] j2: okay [06:48:09] j2: so it's all [06:48:16] j2: snow-scene like those thousands of penguin movies [06:48:27] j2: and there's one of the little pringles tiny-cups [06:48:33] j2: with the words 'click for fun on june 4, 2007' [06:48:39] j2: and you click on it, and it opens [06:48:46] j2: and then it cuts to this computer-animated movie [06:48:52] j2: and there's these four [06:48:52] j2: things [06:49:00] j2: they look like fried shrimp [06:49:10] j2: but [06:49:13] j2: they were all sort of [06:49:14] j2: combined [06:49:28] j2: and one, the clear leader, was talking to the other three about food or something [06:49:31] j2: no [06:49:34] j2: there were just three [06:49:36] j2: OH [06:49:39] j2: okay [06:49:40] j2: so [06:49:51] j2: there were three fried-shrimp-monsters [06:50:04] j2: and the leader was all 'okay we have to ration this food, because there is not enough [06:50:31] j2: so he produces a bottle, from which the first shrimp drinks a third of [06:50:51] j2: and the leader shrimp goes to drink it when a fourth shrimp comes along [06:50:58] j2: so he only drinks a little [06:51:17] j2: and by the time the bottle gets to the fourth shrimp, he's all insane and angry about someone drinking more than they should've or something [06:51:34] j2: so all the shrimp-things start fighting each ohter [06:51:44] j2: and they were all [06:52:06] j2: wrapping around each other and balling up into this great shrimp monstrosity [06:52:08] j2: and it just ended. =================|August 23, 2008|============================================ so my friend from a few years ago had the same birthday party he had a few years ago - at a movie theater. the film was called 32flatbreads. it was a musical and had one of the songs from dr horrible. ther ewere supposed to be a lot of people, but i was the only one there - he didn't even show up. on my way back i found i was in new york city. apparently chet lived there, and so did some other guy. i called them both on the phone while walking down coney island, and a large drill tore apart a warehouse. i then ended up at the bronx zoo, where i saw tally hall guitarist rob taking photos of tourists (like, for the zoo. for cashes.) i walked past him into a hallway and something happened. okay so in the dream, i seemed to have a strange memory in which the previous time my friend had that birthday party, tally hall played before the movie started. except zubin was replaced with someone named veronica. in my memory, this happened exactly a year ago. so i called rob on a phone, and talked to him for about five minutes. i called again, but figured he must be working. five minutes later, he and joe (another guy from the band) showed up in the hallway. we were talking as though we knew each other. there was a remote on the wall that controlled the lighting. it was previously dark, so i turned some lights on. i later realized that the remove had rob, joe's, and ross's (also in the band) names on them. in the band, each guy has a different color tie he wears, and on the remote, the colors kind of reflected that, except they were mixed up. i then noticed the remote said 'veronica', and two other female-sounding names. i was talking to joe about this, and apparently zubin got married and was replaced, and they got the other two for some reason. he didn't talk about why the keyboardist quit, and i think he showed me a video of the band playing. the keyboardist was one of the new people, as was the drummer, even though ross previously drummed. so around the room, there was a low ledge that could serve as a bench or counter or something. there were stuffed animals on them, and we had moved them around during conversation. we also used the remove to turn all of the lights on, like in some sort of escape game. but then someone came through the door (a door to a hallway?) and it was a group of three women who worked at the zoo. they wanted to know why we were there and screwing with the lights. i showed her that the remote had the names of the guys in the band, and claimed that it was cool. they then had us replace the stuffed animals, which apparently previously sat upon books. so we did that. they left. i then look at the remote again, and it says 'kablamo!' on one button. i don't press it. joe tells me it's the name of their next album. i remember seeing a photo of the cover, which was just a close-up of his head - he's smiling hilariously and covered in white and gold make-up. it's like some horrible glam rock parody. i leave to go to the bathroom, but i think i just walked around. i come back a few minutes later and the hallway is no longer a dimly lit corridor, it's a big open place that kind of looks like an airport from the 1400s, except they've got about ten rows of around 20 seats just sitting in the middle of nowhere. when i come back, joe's off talking to someone and rob's sitting in one of the seats. i sit to his right. there's no one around, but then people start walking all around. a person in uniform starts standing right in front of us. i remember remarking that it was the most open movie theater i'd ever seen, but id on't remember what response it got. rob is reading a small blue fun fact book about pirates. the remote's still somehow in my hand. i realized that something like "Xybilabcdefghijklmnopppppppp" (with alphabet included) has been added, in a rather comical manner so that the other buttons had practically no space to exist. i ask rob about this, and he says that part of the band's previous appeal was zubin's hilarious and unusual name - they created a character with a similarly unusual one. i think i woke up when i 'went to the bathroom', so my mind's kinda blanked. i ask him about the album, again, and he starts talking in a mocking-but-not-slanderously-mocking voice, and says that it's called kablamo!. i then remember the photo, and am about to ask him when it comes out, but then he says "oh and i suppose you want to know when it comes out? well why don't you check the fan zone of our web site, smart guy?" in the same hilarious voice. i'm surprised - "you have a website?!" answer: yeah, he did. so people are starting to come to all the seats. joe comes back with an ice cream cone, and i think my parents show up. rob continues reading the pirate book, and apparently eggs were often pirated from some country in europe. he asks me something about them, and i take a wild guess, and "homg how did you know that? OKAY TRY THIS ONE". he turns to a table, and puts his hand over one column, but you can still see writing in pencil along other columns. he asks me how many cats it would take to eat ten grand pianos. his answer is written on the book. apparently it takes 48 cats to eat 10 grand pianos. =================|July 21, 2009|============================================ Captain-Laserpants: holy god Captain-Laserpants: i just had a dram that i went to missouri and there were like these things that restaurants give you to buzz you when waiting for your table but they were more like google latitude and so i pranced aorund and saw a bunch of names that started with 'chet' but then i found you in someone else's house and i'd thought it was your house but NOPE it was the house of some other guy Lmao and he was kind of dumb, so i kept talking at him in this shrieking flasetto and his mother kept laughing at it so eventually the two of us are in the kitchen, watching something be cooked while the people cooking it are not there and you're eating like a pork chop that is still being cooked and you say "I MADE TEA IF ANYONE WANTS" because sumopiggy was supposed to be there too so eventually some sort of food thing happens in like a giant lecture hall located in the basement of that guy's house and i forget that Wow. but everyone meets up in a smaller room attached to it where we are served all of these weird ice cream things that i did not know were ice cream at the time i wish i had laser eyes ** velvet-reverie has left [connection closed] and i remember i couldn't get into the smaller room at first and it turned out my uncle was holding the door shut from the other way so eventually we go to have coffee like, everyone in the room i think you're like not even there anymore but it seemed that everyone had had coffee before me because there were like so few coffee-materials left so i make the best of what is there and i find a travel mug (later, this travel mug has "HALO 3" printed on it) and i also find what appears to be a large novelty reese's peanut butter cup, but packaged without the contents of the cup (just the frilly chocolate shell) and put it inside and start to pour coffee in but NOPE THERE'S LIKE NOTHING THERE and i'm looking around for milk and sugar too and still nothing and somehow this mug ends up in the lecture hall or no a different, full pot of coffee is there and so i run into the lecture hall, and the janitor (who I think is the guy I was shrieking at, but i stopped doing that for this) looked as though he was about to tell me that it was closed, but i said i was just going to get some coffee and he quickly said "okay" like it was the most urgent god damn thing in the world so i run up start pouring from a mug and there's a hole in the travel mug and a ton of coffee spills out so i clean it up so as to not further dissapoint the janitor and it turns out that like, an inch of coffee was preserved inside the reese's peanut butter cup (which has like a four inch diameter and comes up three inches, god knows how i got it into a halo 3 travel mug) ** eskirinabsolute has joined and I don't know where the lid to the halo 3 travel mug went, and now it's looking more like a halo 3 coffee pot eskirinabsolute: Dream explanation. but i'm thinking "CAPTAIN'S WAITING FOR ME!!1" so i hurry and leave anyway even though the lecture hall is filling up with people (my uncle) and the janitor doesn't even care so eventually i'm wandering around what appears to be a very stylized version of the palisades mall Have you even played Halo 3? yes I'm not sure why, but it never seemed to me like you yeah play i don't play it ever games. i meant like twice OKAY and i find some sort of promotional store - the kind that are there for six months and never come back and they only use like 300 of their thousand square feet but this store has giant glass walls so it's cool so i enter and join a line which passes SO QUICKLY even though it had like 80 people and i realized that i was waiting for like a video game demo so there's like three screens and controllers at the finish point of a line (which, looking back, has completely disappeared) but also four very short aisles (like, ten feet at most) and i'm looking there for a halo 3 coffee pot lid and all they have are like cardboard versions of armor from like quake with pixelation and everything (printed on the cardboard) and they also had uh like power-ups which aren't actually in halo 3 i don't think but they were branded as that but like little cardboard things that spin around and "oh hey look i got the grappling hook" but i thought that was cool it looked more like oh man that game Lavos12: YOU KNOW THE GAME DC played it and it was free oh THE POWER and the power was the power of imagination? it really resembled art from that game okay the end i mean no the end of digressions but yeah i'm looking around the store for employees to help me find a lid to this coffee pot but no one's there so i'm walking towards the exit but i realize I AM WALKING TOWARDS A GLASS WALL AND WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GO THROUGH IT so i right my path towards the exit and as i go there, there's a bunch of costumes and womens' clothing for sale like the shirt worn by that singer in that blue man group video and what appears to be like if you made a tiny tiny tiny 4x7 pixel art drawing of the lead guy from katamari damacy, but with a head-thing as narrow as its body and zoomed in all the way and made that out of felt they were selling that so i'm walking to the exit but i think "CAPTAIN CAN WAIT" and i okay i don't need to draw a map whatever the store only takes up like three corners of the space in the building, er the lot and so in the other corner the light is dimmer so i walk there and it turns from first-person walker to a "you are looking at a website" dream which is a beige, almost #cl-cup-colored background and the url is kevinsamerican.com but the title was like Kevin's American Consultants or whatever which was printed in some old west-like font and as you rea d like the K was Old West Font Light and the n was Old West Font Superbold Heavy Oblique and I didn't realize that until later and I thought it was a good effect anyway, I could like draw the site for you but eh it was very simple and the site explained that kevin (`kevin? I THINK SO) worked on Halo 3 and other games and so he started his own "company" to legitimatize it he didn't need to start the company, he just wanted more credit or whatever like, it didn't say that, but it seemed like it and then a section of the web page is all well then it turns back into walking around the dark corner of the store which is really just a corner with a bed and three other pieces of furniture, but i forgot what they were anyway it was like i clicked something on the site and i was in the store and there was like a narrator (kevin, i assumed) who said that "I read [some book] by [some guy] (the book was about video games and philosophy) and GOD DAMN IT I FORGOT oh no I remember "I read the book by some guy and assigned four of my favorite lessons to my favorite video game characters. Try not to overthink them though!" or whatever was what he narrated and so I went near the bed and Kevin, in like, an Irish accent said "When you are thinking of a video game character outside of the game, your [think-image] should be as he always is [outside of games - he didn't say this, but it was clear... it's early (comparitively) and my brain doesn't work. i will construct good sentences later]: dead." and when he finished saying that, I was laying in the bed and I was thinking about how few video games I'd played and trying to remember a character to assign to them so I got out of the bed and went to another furniture thing which was like a lamp with a tiger pelt hung from it they all had these weird furry things on them like a dresser with a blanket or whatever I don't remember I went to another but then I woke up appendix: the two items in the halo store were "SICK" and "PLUG" "SICK" i assumed was short for sickle and it looked like a double-ended grappling hook with no rope and plug was like ((•)) and i thought "why would you need a plug in halo" pluglo =================|July 23, 2009|============================================ i was taking final exams but at college and everyone in my grade was in the same room it was this big stage-type thing with a lower area that was at least two stories high and we were locked there and so the teacher who managed the finals was insane and did all kinds of unconventional things to prove whatever so we thought part of the exam was to get off of the stage and we were getting ready to send some strong guy down to catch the rest of our falls, but then some guy was like "THERE'S SPIKES IN THE GROUND" and there were indentations of where spikes would come out so we're just confused and looking there so eventually a giant clay robot attacks us which is part of the exam and somehow we kill it with knowledge i don't remember how and some other thing attacks and knowledge and a giant barack obama that looks like horseluvr drew it and knowledge and then the doors open up and some of us are walking around outside the room (but not most of us, just me and like 10 other kids in a room of 300 people) and so i see the next guy before it enters the room which is a giant green and purple (kind of pixelated, like a bad sprite was resized like in i wanna be the guy or something) chimpanzee called "the corn pops ape" and the mad scientist teacher is making all these bad jokes and so i'm standing outside the stage-area-room, and people are starting to move downstairs to the lower area but the giant monkey sprite walks in and just kind of sits in the corner for a while and i'm poised behind it, looking at it from in the hall through the door and some other girl who is also wandering the halls takes this as "I AM GOING TO KILL IT WITH A SNEAK ATTACK" and gives me this look of extreme solidarity but we just kind of run through the doorway trying not to get killed and the monkey is just kind of sitting there so i go back up to my friends, who are like people i don't know (people i do know show up) (but that's later) so we're like "well, i guess we have to find some way to get up there to hit this corn pops ape in the face" so for some damn reason i start wandering the school and the school is a mix of my high school and my soon-to-be college but they have like a building dedicated to golf which is weird and so anyway, on a far side of the campus, i overheard some idiots saying some dumb things and i laughed at them, but i forgot what it was and there was like this equipment rental thing and it was filled with giant garden tools that could obviously be used to hit a giant pixelated corn pops ape in the face but i'm just kind of looking around talking to the cashier so whatever and i guess i walk back NO FOR SOME REASON I GET CRUTCHES BUT I DON'T USE THEM so I walk back but on my way there, i leave my crutches in some hallway and i meet the russian kid from orientation and we go to the the equipment center and he's looking at these giant shovels with which to kill the corn pops ape and i think "THOSE CRUTCHES COULD WORK ACTUALLY, THEY TELESCOPE TO CRAZY LONG, LONGER THAN YOUR SHOVELS AND GARDEN WEASELS." so he takes his shovels, and he turns into some kid i hadn't seen in a while and we walk back and when we're almost there, we split up, i tell him i'll meet him there and i go inside the golf building to pick up my crutches (which i'd left there) and when i come back out there's like a giant crowd of people outside with the corn pops ape on a bus wearing a sombrero and some kid tells us "you guys kind of won in your leaving" and it turns out they're getting rid of the corn pops ape by putting it on vacation so the kid I know and I are looking at each other confusedly because isn't this the exam and isn't the ape either a hologram or a guy in a costume so we're confused but we go back into the stageroom and there's like half as many people as before and so i see my friends that i still don't know, they were like rental friends for the one dream and for some reason, my guitar and ukulele are there, so i pick them up to take with me and i'm all anxious about my phone not being in my pocket - oh, during the first part of the exam when we were discussing spikes, someone was all "THERE'S NO SPIKES" and we were like "YES THERE ARE I'VE SEEN THEM" so I think my brain was playing la mulana or something, and also during that, there was something that looked like part of the assembly for a seat belt but with all of these tiny plastic spikes that kept digging into my leg through my pocket, but then i realized i could just take it out of my pocket but one of my rental friends makes reference to like this guy i actually know having a different/broken ukulele which was shaped like an almond and standing upright and i remember that so i'm taking my guitars and leaving and i decide to take like a series of ridiculous shortcuts and i remember putting my guitar in one hallway, and then walking around to get it, and it was a ridiculous and elaborate affair so anyway i get out my guitars go somewhere (like, disappear, but i don't realize it at the time) and i see a different guy i actually know or no the same guy from god damn i don't know NO YES i see a different guy i actually know playing golf outside the golf building with a different kid who i knew, but his name differed from his face in the dream and i spoke to them briefly, but i don't remember what and i walk into the stage building and out of the stageroom into a tiny room with a big glass window and lockers on the side but like, small square lockers and for some reason my mom is there, acting like she's ready to pick me up and she's talking to the mother of the kid whose name didn't match his face oh, and for some reason, my guitars are there so yeah like, leaning up against a corner so my mother's all "HOW WAS THE TEST?" and I say "we had to kill a giant robot and a giant [whatever it was] and a giant barack obama and a giant corn pops ape", but i remember having difficulty getting that sentence out of my mouth, i developed a one-sentence speech disorder and my mother's all "oh, that's not entirely original" LIKE SOMEONE ASKED (i tried to spell asked with an x, and then with a c, and then as 'aksed') and proceeds in talk to say "i heard of some other teacher in somewhere who made their kids fight a robot too." and I'm thinking "WILL YOU SHUT UP THIS IS INSANE" so i guess i change my mind and decide that i need to be driven home and we're about to leave, and my mom mentions that she'd tried to call, but i didn't pick up, and I tell her that I'd misplaced my phone and then i realize in one of the unlocked square lockers behind her friend (a third woman appears in this room, by the way, and i remember having some kind of awkward small talk with her, awkward mostly because it was apparent that she'd just appeared, even in the dream) IS MY PHONE AND HEADPHONES AND LIKE, MONEY AND SOME OTHER THINGS THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN IN MY POCKET and I remember "OH DAMN! I REMEMBER NOW! I put it here but I couldn't lock it because of my phone!" and for some reason i thought i could use my phone as a combination lock but my phone is no longer of the clamshell variety so i couldn't. and it's like a tv show in that i remember there being a flashback when i said those words and then i guess i woke up awesome. i was disappointed, too, i really wanted to jump up and hit that corn pops ape in the face with one of my crutches =================|August 3, 2009|============================================ i'm trying to remember my dream from last night i know that for part of it i was sitting on my bed using my laptop as I often do/am now and there was like a tap on the window and I opened it up and it's this tall guy and two cats, sitting on the ledge and he's all "I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND MYSTERIOUSLY YOU SEEM TO LIKE SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I DO" and I'm all "that is not creepy at all!" and we have a short conversation about cats or whatever he looked kind of like dave with a beard I dont know what dave looks like dumb and so i remember cats being an important thing with my sister's cat in particular having some part in the dream but i don't remember what okay okay Beastiality. so anyway he's all "I WILL CONTINUE" and I'm like "come back any time!" no, he wasn't that creepy so a few more times, i'm just sitting on my bed on dAmn or whatever and I'll occasionally move around and see some cats looking at me from outside my window and i remember being uncomfortable because i was unfamiliar with the social conduct is it rude to leave my blinds closed if he is watching me? so anyway i guess he gets really happy that i'm not creeped out yet and starts doing all these weird things he told me like that he was okay so i guess he lived in like a shed and even though this is crazy suburbs there's like a few feet of still-wooded-area between each house and i assumed he lived there like, with no running water or whatever even though i vaguely remember him talking about technology okay so he told me that he was trying to recycle paper and, as a benevolent gesture, has sneaked some paper into our printers and tissue boxes and I was like "i remember seeing that! it was kind of disgusting and please don't ever do it again?" but I say it in a way that is all "WELL, MY SISTER IS REALLY UPSET WITH IT. YOU KNOW HOW THEY ARE, ROLL MY EYES." and he was kind of taken aback and offended, but he agreed to stop and his god damn cats kept staring at me so yeah eventually uh well it kind of ends there i'm sure he continued but the rest of the dream is me helping my parents prepare for a dinner party-like thing and two guests show up AS WE ARE PREPARING thinking the party is like a week before it is or whatever and one of them is my neighbor and one of them is barack obama, who was my neighbor in the dream and so we make ridiculous small talk while cleaning frantically which doesn't seem to phase either of them and obama's talking about his book which i guess hadn't come out in dreamworld because he's all "IT'S BEEN WITH THE PUBLISHER FOR FOUR YEARS AND THE PROOFS CAME IN TODAY" and we ask how it looks and he's still half-shouting "I DON'T KNOW I HAVEN'T SEEN A COPY OF IT IN MY LIFE!" just like that, with no punctuation. all in one breath. like yahtzee. that's pretty much all i remember there were christmas lights up for some reason and also my dad and i spilled two different things in two different places at the same time and i remember he went to get the broom and I was all "can you get the vacuum too" and that was an important plot point because that's when I woke up